Kicking a friend out of a band.

Metal and Beer · July 29, 2011, 03:04:21 PM

As most of you know, one of the biggest things about being in a functioning band is the ability to tolerate other people. If you're annoyed by personal habits, actions, voices, "vibes", morality beyond your own, ANY of that stuff, you're gonna have problems that'll fuck up yo' shit, sooner or later. Set basic parameters (have your gear covered, show up to practice, you know, the basics) and let everything else go.. Just gotta let it go. It's hard enough to find people on your level musically who like the same stuff and wanna jam, it's that much harder to find compatibility in areas beyond music

Discö Rice · July 29, 2011, 03:36:37 PM

This whole "feeling comfortable and open in the practice space" thing is completely new and foreign. I'm not used to being excited about seeing my bandmates and interacting with them, and wanting to hang out with them outside of practice. Where's the sense of dread?! Why don't I hate every minute I'm alive anymore?! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO ME?!!

jibberish · July 29, 2011, 05:40:41 PM

lumpy, he had to go.
as hard of a pil as that was to swallow, it WAS fucking you up. and that whole floating taking advantage thing....shows a person's character. like disrepect as one facet of it.

i also bet deep down, your pal feels some sense of freedom from a commitment he wasnt so keen on anymore.

Lumpy · July 29, 2011, 06:56:59 PM

Quote from: jibberish on July 29, 2011, 05:40:41 PM
i also bet deep down, your pal feels some sense of freedom from a commitment he wasnt so keen on anymore.

I think that's true. He would skip a weekly 1 hour practice with me a lot, but he hardly ever skipped the weekly jam with his buddy where they would get drunk and play punk rock covers. My band is free form noise, and he is more of a noisy punk rock guy - I don't think he ever felt totally comfortable with the program.

Blueberry Lazer · July 31, 2011, 01:41:21 PM

In the past few years I have gone through more band drama ups and down than I care to remember. Things are still real awkward between me and a former bandmate which is a real shame because we used to be best friends. Now I Have a bunch of songs that no one ever hears. I go to shows and get asked all the time "when are yall gonna be playing again?" Fuck if I know bro.

I have had to kick out band members, and I have felt like shit while doing it. But I remained friends with most of them to this day. I even had an old lead singer of mine tell me that we were better as a 3 piece, which meant a lot to me because I had taken over vocal duties and was very unsure of myself. You just keep on keeping on.

VOLVO))) · July 31, 2011, 03:33:46 PM

I just kicked myself out of a band today? We were supposed to play a show tonight, and the bill got moved around a little. There was two reunion shows of old Tallahassee bands, those two dropped off, and the guys in my band texted me at 1:30EST, to tell me that they didn't want to play the show. Earlier this week, they said they thought we were unprepared. I said whatever, no, I'm down, we can make it work. That blew over. Today, after I took off work yesterday, today, etc, so we could play and be ready, they cancel on me. I. LOST. MY. SHIT. Packed up my drums, didn't say a single word to them, left. I'm not going to look like a fucking flake because these people don't get their way. Fucking stupid. I hate bands. I'm selling a bunch of shit today. I'm fuckin' toast.

Lumpy · July 31, 2011, 03:41:09 PM

Dont sell your stuff. You can't let other people kill your enthusiasm for playing music.

VOLVO))) · July 31, 2011, 03:54:47 PM

But there is so much...

Discö Rice · July 31, 2011, 09:57:05 PM

Quote from: Lumpy on July 31, 2011, 03:41:09 PM
Dont sell your stuff. You can't let other people kill your enthusiasm for playing music.

^^^

VOLVO))) · July 31, 2011, 11:50:05 PM

I think it may just be time for it to go. I doubt I'll end up selling most of it, because I'm super attached to most of it, and people are going to lowball the ever living fuck out of me, even my friends. So, I posted the list to an amp group on facebook, that I'm an admin for, and seeing what I get in offers.

(The not-so-impressive) LIST:
76 Sunn Concert Lead
71 Sunn Sonaro
?? Sunn Beta Power+ It's a 100 watt slave
?? Peavey 4x12, Sheffield Loaded, owned by Spike Mott (COLLECTORS ITEM hahaha)
?? Yamaha SBG200, neck repair (professionally done, by me), plays great, looks cool, tuned to B, will set up for whatever.
?? Boss FZ-2, Electric Wizard - Dopethrone tone in a box. Great for bass.
?? Diabolical DD-50, Univox Unidrive clone, love it but don't need it.

Deaner may be interested in the Yammy, so, I'll pull it if he wants it.

Chovie D · August 01, 2011, 01:38:28 PM

Since ive moved to seattle ive been kicked out of three bands.

(and not been asked back to a bunch of ones I have sat in with and gotten too drunk for)

all completely justified. all were/are people I considered friends.
Your description of your freind lumpy describes me also(except for the not contributing financially part).
I can tell you truthfully I was not fully into any of those bands and that lead to alot of the behavior you are describing.
I supsect that your frined wasnt fully into it either and you really dont wann abe in a band with someone whos not into it, trust me.
I also get really drunk and alot of people dont appreciate that when your there to play THEIR music. ..but thats another story.

Of the three friends who fired me, I was pissed at one for a couple years because i felt betrayed, we made up eventually and he then moved out of town, still friends but at a great distance, it was never the same. Another, the band broke up a month later and they all have moved out of town, still facebook friends. the most recent no hard feelings on my end at all, but now theres a weirdness between me and my freind and we dont talk...its only been a month tho so maybe that will pass. I hope so, I still like the guy, like his music, and I totally deserved to get fired AND i feel a great sense of relief I dont have to go play shitty shows anymore. The pats year has been ZERO fun doing music. an dif its not fn for me, theres no point since it doesnt pay my bills and I'm not looking to get laid from it.

IM done with bands and live music for a bit (i say this once every 3-4 years and always come back to it)and am contemplating selling some stuff off as well..i juts have too much shit, dont need most of it, and could use the room for something else, money not an issue. I wouldnt say anyone else has killed my enthusiasm. Ive just gotten older and dont enjoy the 'scene' anymore, in fact its torture. That said I just got sucked into another band..but I dont think we will make any music, certainly not play any shows, were just gonna be a band

tl/dr? bottom line dont feel bad , you did the right thing, as long as you were honest and not mean about it.

Danny G · August 01, 2011, 06:18:21 PM

Quote from: Metal and Beer on July 29, 2011, 03:04:21 PM
As most of you know, one of the biggest things about being in a functioning band is the ability to tolerate other people. If you're annoyed by personal habits, actions, voices, "vibes", morality beyond your own, ANY of that stuff, you're gonna have problems that'll fuck up yo' shit, sooner or later. Set basic parameters (have your gear covered, show up to practice, you know, the basics) and let everything else go.. Just gotta let it go. It's hard enough to find people on your level musically who like the same stuff and wanna jam, it's that much harder to find compatibility in areas beyond music

This.

Baltar · August 01, 2011, 09:42:17 PM

I concur, I had a couple of cats that sounded ok before I moved north of Toronto and nothing came of it. It's been really rough, 'specially since the one guy I thought I'd get along with lives 5 mins. away! Seemed cool, Traynor stacks, reel-to-reel, Garnet PA. 70's Ludwig kit, a fucking Hammond B3 w/ Leslie and a rad house built in the 70's. Jammed 3 times, then nothing. No email, nada. I'm not hard to get along with, I'm humble, not a crook or a drunk either. He just flaked out. It gets hard in your late 30's, just to play, not get laid or nab a date. Ugh.

Pundan · August 02, 2011, 01:03:57 AM

Whilst on the subject not-satisfied-with-how-your-band-is-turning-out, how long do you guys practice? We try to play 2 hours at least, but in my opinion we have too many breaks in between songs.
Often I feel that I'm getting warmed up after an hour of practice, my amp sounds the best then - and by then the other members want to sit down and take a rest. I sometimes wish that we could have a 4 hour practice, just for once.

I also feel that we don't work as much as group as I would like to. It's very often that I come to practice with ½ of a song written already, and the other members seldom give me any critique. I'm a guy that feels that if there's any problem, shit's gotta be talked through right there and then so I tend to bring it up. The other guys in my band are somewhat shy and quiet people. So after two years I'm just now getting used to being the main songwriter. There has been a lot of argue in my band, but I'm just now starting to feel that we're focused and have worked on our less good sides.

Sorry for hi-jacking the thread, but I thought this is somewhat on the subject.

Lumpy · August 02, 2011, 02:49:23 AM

"As most of you know, one of the biggest things about being in a functioning marriage is the ability to tolerate other people."

But sometimes a divorce is the best thing for everybody. Same dif.

spookstrickland · August 02, 2011, 03:34:13 AM

Quote from: Pundan on August 02, 2011, 01:03:57 AM
Whilst on the subject not-satisfied-with-how-your-band-is-turning-out, how long do you guys practice? We try to play 2 hours at least, but in my opinion we have too many breaks in between songs.
Often I feel that I'm getting warmed up after an hour of practice, my amp sounds the best then - and by then the other members want to sit down and take a rest. I sometimes wish that we could have a 4 hour practice, just for once.

I also feel that we don't work as much as group as I would like to. It's very often that I come to practice with ½ of a song written already, and the other members seldom give me any critique. I'm a guy that feels that if there's any problem, shit's gotta be talked through right there and then so I tend to bring it up. The other guys in my band are somewhat shy and quiet people. So after two years I'm just now getting used to being the main songwriter. There has been a lot of argue in my band, but I'm just now starting to feel that we're focused and have worked on our less good sides.

Sorry for hi-jacking the thread, but I thought this is somewhat on the subject.

My Fondest band memories are of when Chainsaw and I would jam all day with G-Spot in his Garage. We would jam for a while then go play some Super Mario Kart then Jam then get Ice Cream then Jam Then break out the Beers then jam then etc etc it was an all day thing and it ended much too soon the band that is.

Metal and Beer · August 02, 2011, 03:47:55 AM

Quote from: Lumpy on August 02, 2011, 02:49:23 AM
"As most of you know, one of the biggest things about being in a functioning marriage is the ability to tolerate other people."

But sometimes a divorce is the best thing for everybody. Same dif.

Yep, true enough. After my post, I realized it sorta sounded like I was addressing your particular situation Lumps, but it was more just a general observation on band relationshits (no typo!)

Lumpy · August 02, 2011, 05:04:24 AM

Quote from: Metal and Beer on August 02, 2011, 03:47:55 AM
Quote from: Lumpy on August 02, 2011, 02:49:23 AM
"As most of you know, one of the biggest things about being in a functioning marriage is the ability to tolerate other people."

But sometimes a divorce is the best thing for everybody. Same dif.

Yep, true enough. After my post, I realized it sorta sounded like I was addressing your particular situation Lumps, but it was more just a general observation on band relationshits (no typo!)

I should say that I'm not referring to Danny (I know he went through a tough divorce last year or so) but it's true that sometimes, you can still be friends with/love somebody and still not want to be in a band/marriage/business/roommates/whatever with them.

Also, like a relationship, it's practically impossible to explain 'what happened' to other people, and have them totally understand. I didn't blog every single detail because I didn't want to write a book, and my point is not to diss my friend as hard as possible, I just wanted to talk about how things can be complicated.