Fucking hell is there anything that can tear a guy down like his wife knocking his music. My wife always complains. She'll beg me to play something for her on my guitar then critique the fuck out of it while I'm playing for her about being off pitch or forgeting a lyric. What the fuck! if you ask some one to play for you please just accept what they do!
Then for the last couple of days I've been putting together a mix CD for my friend with all my old bands on it. I find this one song that I think is my masterpiece and I told her that I just love the solo I did on there. That I don't think I could have done it any better. She fucking tells me "well I never thought that was the right solo for that song" WTF! if you don't like it fine but when some one tells you that it's there favorite and you do something like that, that fucking sucks!!!!
She is never invited to my shows again and no way am I ever picking up a guitar and playing her a song again.
maybe I'm being thin skinned but I don't point our her faults like that so I don't think she should be doing it to me.
You guys have any fucked up stories like this?
I got a weird girlfriend one, my last girlfriend kept insisting to hear the music I've been working on and I kept playing her stuff and she would just sit there for like 2 minutes saying nothing then go..."Ok" and then she'd nod. Then she'd ask to hear the next one and so on after like thirty minutes of this she just goes. "I like it" and walks off. Was a little weird as some of it was in the vein of music she likes so she should have had some sort of comment but she didn't actually say anything. That relationship was fucked anyways.
Then again one time I mentioned black metal and she told me not to be a racist. Which was hilarious and even funnier because she was black.
I would prefer that my lady not care for the music I play. That guarantees that she won't be coming to shows and griping about leaving early, and me having to pay the tab or getting bent out of shape because I'm talking to other people more than her.
Quote from: Pissy on January 16, 2011, 08:02:51 AM
I would prefer that my lady not care for the music I play. That guarantees that she won't be coming to shows and griping about leaving early, and me having to pay the tab or getting bent out of shape because I'm talking to other people more than her.
^^^This^^^
Yeah, that sucks Spook, gotta find that balance. I don't play much in front of my wife, everyones tastes are different and I don't want to annoy her to often...
I betcha most rock icons have the same problem :D I on the other hand don't. My gal is in no way interested in what I do musically. She's supportive when something cool happens like a great show or free studio time. Other than that, she could care less.
My ex thought it would be neat to listen to the old live tape of the band I was in when we met. It was recorded straight out of the board into a cassette deck, so sound quality wasn't the best. About ten minutes into it she says, "I don't remember you guys sounding this bad. You kinda suck." Which, in all honesty wasn't that far from the truth, but it did kind of piss me off.
Ok... Ex wife had terrible back pain and could never really stay at my shows. She stopped going, which was kind of cool in a way, but eventually it was more like "you are always playing shows or practicing and have no time for me". I also got the "all you care about is your stupid pedals and amps" thing. She is in another country now and I got the house, car, and cats. Fuck it.
What's worse is... my current (actually ex-girlfriend), who is just finally getting out of my house this week. She is a singer, and a pretty talented one at that. Her music is not bubblegum poppy shit, but it's certainly not what I like. First, I tried to start a project with her,but she was a picky, set in her ways bitch about everything I played for her stuff. She didn't like my interpretations on guitar. She also hates my heavy music, but likes the acoustic stuff I write. She is very opinionated, and it really sucks! Fortunately, I told her to move out. That's good because now I can get a lot more people to come to my shows, and won't have her bitching that I talk to other people besides her, and that I'm out til all hours of the night.
I refuse to play in front of my chicks. I also have a problem of thinking most of my shit sucks anyways.
Quote from: johnny problem on January 16, 2011, 01:56:00 PM
I refuse to play in front of my chicks. I also have a problem of thinking most of my shit sucks anyways.
This is my problem. No matter how good it really is, I always feel that it's sub-par. Nothing rubs my dick raw more than a chick saying things just to make you feel better.
The double edged sword is this: Every one of us started playing music to help pick up chicks(if you disagree you are a liar). Unfortunately every one of us picked heavy music to play and there are no chicks to be had!
My wife leaves my music alone. No complaints and lots of understanding. I never try to involve her too much because i see it as a kind of "separation of church and state." The music is my life and was long before i got married to her. If you don't want the womans opinion, don't ask! HAHA!
I did have a girl that made me not want to play at all years ago. Man I hated her!
my wife always said we were great live but sucked recorded?!?!?!
My ex-wife once made a little fun of Sabbath to her cousin in front of me. At the end of the night I let her know I was rather offended by that.
Its not very punk rock to give a fuck what anyone thinks about your guitar solos.
confidence in yourself is really important in music
I like the Separation of church and state idea, very cool. Problem for me is I don't have to ask for her opinion she just gives it all the time. All I have to do is be playing a piece of music and bam! she'll pop her head in the room with another soul killing critique.
Quote from: hayseed on January 16, 2011, 02:31:34 PM
The double edged sword is this: Every one of us started playing music to help pick up chicks(if you disagree you are a liar). Unfortunately every one of us picked heavy music to play and there are no chicks to be had!
My wife leaves my music alone. No complaints and lots of understanding. I never try to involve her too much because i see it as a kind of "separation of church and state." The music is my life and was long before i got married to her. If you don't want the womans opinion, don't ask! HAHA!
I did have a girl that made me not want to play at all years ago. Man I hated her!
Quote from: Chovie D on January 16, 2011, 11:24:13 PM
Its not very punk rock to give a fuck what anyone thinks about your guitar solos.
confidence in yourself is really important in music
^This!
Quote from: Chovie D on January 16, 2011, 11:24:13 PM
Its not very punk rock to give a fuck what anyone thinks about your guitar solos.
confidence in yourself is really important in music
scrap the punk rock ethics, but agreed with opinions on your craft and work, no matter the medium
if it makes you smile, who gives a flying fuck, the older i get, the more that applies
Quote from: spookstrickland on January 17, 2011, 01:28:44 AM
I like the Separation of church and state idea, very cool. Problem for me is I don't have to ask for her opinion she just gives it all the time. All I have to do is be playing a piece of music and bam! she'll pop her head in the room with another soul killing critique.
1. Try not to take it personally
2. Ask her if she has any constructive criticism too?
3. Tell her "Thank you, that's exactly why I'm practicing"
4. Practice your balls off
5. Maybe get a headphone practice amp
You're supposed to make mistakes during practice, it shows you are trying to play stuff that you can't really play yet. That means you're learning.
It's not even just when I'm practicing. This happened while I was listening to one of my songs on cd and I had told her a couple of times how I thought that was the best thing I had ever done. she tells me "I never thought that guitar part was right" Fuck me if someone tells you they love something and it's their favorite, for God's sake don't flippantly cut it down like that.
I hear what you guys are saying though. I need to guard my heart more. I used to really guard my heart then I thought I could be truly myself and express my inner self to my wife....I was wrong :(
Quote from: Lumpy on January 17, 2011, 03:42:40 AM
Quote from: spookstrickland on January 17, 2011, 01:28:44 AM
I like the Separation of church and state idea, very cool. Problem for me is I don't have to ask for her opinion she just gives it all the time. All I have to do is be playing a piece of music and bam! she'll pop her head in the room with another soul killing critique.
1. Try not to take it personally
2. Ask her if she has any constructive criticism too?
3. Tell her "Thank you, that's exactly why I'm practicing"
4. Practice your balls off
5. Maybe get a headphone practice amp
You're supposed to make mistakes during practice, it shows you are trying to play stuff that you can't really play yet. That means you're learning.
... but what if she was RIGHT about that guitar part?
Heh
My wife is pretty supportive of me getting back out playing with a band, and thankfully not entirely interested in what I write or play! Not overly keen on the idea of her coming to see us play if I am honest, even though we're not taking it too seriously and basically just having a laugh. Don't think she has ever heard me sing either, hate my voice enough as it is - worried she'd tell me I'm shite!
My brother tells me when I suck, I can take it from him as he's a way better musician than I thus I really value his opinion. Will get him posting here yet!
Perhaps but the real malice is in the fact that. It was a piece I recorded over 5 years ago with people I don't play with anymore. There is no way to ever fix it even if there was something wrong with it and knowing how much I loved it I think it was one of the shitiest things she has ever done to me.
Constructive Criticism has its time and place but when the person does not have the ability to fix it nor would they want too if they could and you drop a bomb on them like that...Well that's fucked.
I can take the worst kind of shit from just about everybody and it does not bother me but for some reason criticism from my wife and family is just withering.
Quote from: Danny G on January 17, 2011, 12:14:47 PM
... but what if she was RIGHT about that guitar part?
Heh
Spook, I'm sorry your spouse wasnt more supportive. Maybe she has some insecurities of her own.
I suggest you calmly explain to her how it really hurt your feelings, then forgive her and move on.
I dont play my own music at home and certainly dont ask my wife , or anyone else really, for a critique,
But my spouse has always been nothing but supportive and never ever said anything negative (other than suggesting I sober up a bit).
Maybe she feels threatened by your interests outside the mariage? I no shrink, but your into jesus and stuff right so talk it out , forgive, move forward. dont play her your stuff anymore.
I guess I feel differently about guitar solos than some do. My ego isnt tied up into them. I dont write solos. I just put the horn to my lips and blow, the next time it might will be completely different, but theres never a 'best' solo and theres never a bad one, they are all just kinda random particles in the wind dig? an organic spontaneous expression of that moment, etc.
I dont sweat it. I am free. Its an amazing feeling and its one of the very reasons I play music, to lose my worldly self and cares ..to transcend into that state.
It would suck ballz if i was worried about missing that arpeggio, or that I mixed my dorian with my myxolidian or whatever. i cannot even imagine how confining and not fun that must be. Everyone is different and will play differntly so whatever works for you. I guess I would just suggest not to tie up too much of your self esteem into a guitar solo you recorded years ago for a band that is long broken up etc. move forward
You are right she does have some concerns about my music and or band replacing her. She seems to think if I get successful that I'm going to leave her for a world tour and fall in love with some groupie. Pretty funny when you think about it but she really believes it could happen.
Quote from: Chovie D on January 17, 2011, 07:37:51 PM
Spook, I'm sorry your spouse wasnt more supportive. Maybe she has some insecurities of her own.
I suggest you calmly explain to her how it really hurt your feelings, then forgive her and move on.
I dont play my own music at home and certainly dont ask my wife , or anyone else really, for a critique,
But my spouse has always been nothing but supportive and never ever said anything negative (other than suggesting I sober up a bit).
Maybe she feels threatened by your interests outside the mariage? I no shrink, but your into jesus and stuff right so talk it out , forgive, move forward. dont play her your stuff anymore.
I guess I feel differently about guitar solos than some do. My ego isnt tied up into them. I dont write solos. I just put the horn to my lips and blow, the next time it might will be completely different, but theres never a 'best' solo and theres never a bad one, they are all just kinda random particles in the wind dig? an organic spontaneous expression of that moment, etc.
I dont sweat it. I am free. Its an amazing feeling and its one of the very reasons I play music, to lose my worldly self and cares ..to transcend into that state.
It would suck ballz if i was worried about missing that arpeggio, or that I mixed my dorian with my myxolidian or whatever. i cannot even imagine how confining and not fun that must be. Everyone is different and will play differntly so whatever works for you. I guess I would just suggest not to tie up too much of your self esteem into a guitar solo you recorded years ago for a band that is long broken up etc. move forward
Sit her down to watch Such Hawks, Such Hounds, and skip to the bit where they are all talking about their 'other jobs' where Matt Pike paints houses (after playing with Metallica) and the Lalli's run a restaurant.
If we wanted success, we'd get some plastic surgery and a pitch correction unit.
We are DOOMed to non-entity. :D
spook, if i remember correctly, you have mentioned your wife in this context before..and i told you that you are headed for divorce....beat her to the punch and dump her..my ex-wife was kicked to the curb for similiar reasons..you just dont fuck with a mans music. they never understand that..
my wife was told by someone prior to us getting married.."dont marry a music man"..she should have listened.
that's a good idea. I was thinking of showing that to her anyway. I wish netflix carried it though.
thanks
Quote from: Hemisaurus on January 18, 2011, 10:17:43 AM
Sit her down to watch Such Hawks, Such Hounds, and skip to the bit where they are all talking about their 'other jobs' where Matt Pike paints houses (after playing with Metallica) and the Lalli's run a restaurant.
If we wanted success, we'd get some plastic surgery and a pitch correction unit.
We are DOOMed to non-entity. :D
Quote from: Hemisaurus on January 18, 2011, 10:17:43 AM
Sit her down to watch Such Hawks, Such Hounds, and skip to the bit where they are all talking about their 'other jobs' where Matt Pike paints houses (after playing with Metallica) and the Lalli's run a restaurant.
If we wanted success, we'd get some plastic surgery and a pitch correction unit.
We are DOOMed to non-entity. :D
shit yeah man, i saw that 2 weeks back, great film/docu for any kind of music lover
check this clip, it was not in the version i saw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdZw9VqwW4s
I'd say talk to yr wife if you'd like to work things out, let her know how you feel, and how would SHE feel if you bashed something she was really proud of.
My situation was different, as I was working my ass off to play full time for most of our relationship, which she found initially attractive. But then as I got busier and busier and doing more travelling, it became a bone of contention. Soon she didn't want to see my travel pics anymore as I was always "going off and having all this fun" while she was home working. Well, I was WORKING as well. And she has been on the road with my first band (her band opened a few shows and she sold merch). But after a 12-hour drive from Milwaukee to Detroit where she had to immediately load in and play she had a breakdown and didn't want to do it anymore. Boy, that was fun huh?!?
Progressed (well, degressed) to where every time I came home we had less in common. That, and she wished me success, but not TOO MUCH success, as that would mean me being gone all the time. But that's like me supprting her going for her Masters, but not wanting her to actually graduate. After doing counseling on and off for almost 2 years I realized we were two completely different people who wanted two completely different things out of life. Divorce was finalized last April after 5 months of separation, and in those months I was happier than I'd been in the last 2 years.
But that's my situation.
SO.
If you value yr relationship, talk to her frankly and tell her how you feel. Sounds like a world tour for you is a far-fetched dream, so her fears there are entirely and utterly retarded. But also sounds like she wouldn't be very happy about you doing regional stuff either (totally doable for anyone with a band and a computer), which booking even modest shit is a full-time job and will take time away from her.
She should respect your love for music and desire to make music. She doesn't "get it" and probably never will, so you'll have to work around that Not sure what else to tell ya.
Either way, good luck.
shit man my wife drives my drunk ass home from shows while telling me how awesome I was AND giving me a blow job, all at the same time. She makes some mean lasagna, too.
Quote from: black_out on January 20, 2011, 12:51:29 PM
shit man my wife drives my drunk ass home from shows while telling me how awesome I was AND giving me a blow job, all at the same time. She makes some mean lasagna, too.
Yeah, it was believable until you put the physical impossibility in :D
It's a shame about Danny G. but there's not many of us making our living out of playing, he's one of the brave few, and especially in the US with it's lack of social healthcare, it's not something I'd want to try.
Having been into weird music all my life, I don't expect
anyone to like it, so it's always a nice surprise when someone does.
My wife for her part, encouraged me back into playing, made me buy my new first bass, comes to shows when she can, and brings her friends, I know she doesn't particularly dig a lot of the bands I'm in, or have been in, and I don't mind if she doesn't. There are some bands she can't even be in the house with, back in the Drone Camel days we had to practice when she had a late class, or she'd just go out and let us get on, the vibrations made her nauseous.
I have a thick skin, I kind of think it's a compliment I can make music that provokes a physical response like that.
My divorce wasn't easy, but by no means was a shame. Was all for the better and I was able to end it respectfully and civilly, rather than me having an affair and leaving her for another woman. No kids, no lawyers. It was the least I could do for breaking her heart and dashing her hopes and dreams of having a family with me.
Marriage ain't for everybody. You don't need a piece of paper from City Hall and a big fuckin rock for her to show off to her friends to prove you love someone.
My advice to anyone in an unhappy marriage: if you have no kids, do yourselves a favor and just get the fuck out.
This is a lesson every musician lives and (hopefully) learns once, and certainly one prefers to learn it before marriage. Sympathies...
Word.
Yes, there is compromise in a marriage, since you are working together to go into the business of life together.
HOWEVER
You cannot nor should you ask your partner to change for you. That is bullshit. If your spouse doesn't want you to smoke weed, then he/she shouldn't have married you and gotten together with someone who did not. You shouldn't have to quit simply because the spouse does not approve, unless it is causing problems with you being a productive citizen.
Same goes with music. Most people who don't "get it" assume or hope that their spouse will "grow up" and settle down and get a "real job" and live happily ever after. Well for some music IS a "real job" and is something they have been working on their whole lives, tho it doesn't usually pay nearly as well as a more conventional occupation. Packing it in would admit defeat, and music is soul-crushing enough as is. Your spouse doesn't want you to be a musician? Well why the hell did they marry you?!?
My $0.02 on marriage in general. Not something I plan on doing ever ever ever again.
My wife turns out not to be such a pain in the arse, now that I am back playing again I have been given the green light to buying a firebird so long as I put in a new bathroom first! ;D
^^^
Compromise \m/,
You're right, I did embelish a little bit. Her lasagna is just ok.
Quote from: Hemisaurus on January 20, 2011, 01:02:44 PM
Quote from: black_out on January 20, 2011, 12:51:29 PM
shit man my wife drives my drunk ass home from shows while telling me how awesome I was AND giving me a blow job, all at the same time. She makes some mean lasagna, too.
Yeah, it was believable until you put the physical impossibility in :D
It's a shame about Danny G. but there's not many of us making our living out of playing, he's one of the brave few, and especially in the US with it's lack of social healthcare, it's not something I'd want to try.
Having been into weird music all my life, I don't expect anyone to like it, so it's always a nice surprise when someone does.
My wife for her part, encouraged me back into playing, made me buy my new first bass, comes to shows when she can, and brings her friends, I know she doesn't particularly dig a lot of the bands I'm in, or have been in, and I don't mind if she doesn't. There are some bands she can't even be in the house with, back in the Drone Camel days we had to practice when she had a late class, or she'd just go out and let us get on, the vibrations made her nauseous.
I have a thick skin, I kind of think it's a compliment I can make music that provokes a physical response like that.
My wife just gets mad when I spend money on gear especially when I do drunken a Buy it Now at 3 am on Ebay and wake her up because I can't find the credit card
^^^ That's hilarious Eddie!
Got the opposite, fight with my BF, stormed off to practice, wrote an epic two songs, came home, made up :)
Quote from: Hemisaurus on January 20, 2011, 01:02:44 PMHaving been into weird music all my life, I don't expect anyone to like it, so it's always a nice surprise when someone does.
Pretty much this. Also, I love music too much for it to ever by my job.
Only criticisim I get from the wife is that self-oscillating delays and/or extra skronky synth drones freak her out. Makes her think aliens are invading.
/complimetary complaints.
Spook: COMMUNICATION
did you tell her what you told us? i get the impression that that shit hurt, and you didnt like it at all...
does she even know that hurtsyou? maybe she didnt know.
it would really suck that you make a decision before even talking the whole thing out.
maybe she doesnt want to make you feel bad.
maybe she doesnt give a shit and you need to know that also
so....talk these things out better. explain your feelings and try to get her to explain hers.
ps: your music does suck
(aww c'mon, i'm funnin' ya', you were supposed to laugh there)
My wife is always honest with me about the music I play. I really can't take it personally when she doesn't like it. Her taste in music is different than mine. She's supportive, doesn't give me too much hell when I roll in from a show at 4am. She occasionally comes out with a couple of her friends. I have a weekly gig cover gig that I've been sitting in on that she would be more inclined to come and hang out with her friends. It's kind of a karaoke thing with a live band. Not as lame as it sounds. Mostly classic rock and 90's stuff. Guys I play with are really cool and good players. Man, you can't take that so personally, you're two different people. Different tastes and all. I realize you're married to the woman and really value her opinion. When she says something you are particularly proud of sucks I can see how that would lump your ego.
Quote from: jibberish on May 27, 2012, 08:20:04 AM
Spook: COMMUNICATION
did you tell her what you told us? i get the impression that that shit hurt, and you didnt like it at all...
does she even know that hurtsyou? maybe she didnt know.
it would really suck that you make a decision before even talking the whole thing out.
maybe she doesnt want to make you feel bad.
maybe she doesnt give a shit and you need to know that also
so....talk these things out better. explain your feelings and try to get her to explain hers.
ps: your music does suck
(aww c'mon, i'm funnin' ya', you were supposed to laugh there)
Everything is cool now. It took a little while for her to see things from my point of view and how much music means to me and that it's not just a "hobby" to pass the time.
Quote from: spookstrickland on May 27, 2012, 09:30:43 PM
Everything is cool now. It took a little while for her to see things from my point of view and how much music means to me and that it's not just a "hobby" to pass the time.
So you had to hit her pretty hard then? ;)
J/K - That's just how my mind read that statement. Too many policing classes.